[Photo by Declan McCullagh.]

I do. I admit it. I'm completely and totally embarassed about it, but I watch it. And I'm not talking about the "pre-condom classics" or the "little - twink - boys - who - look - like - they've - never - done - it - anyway" unprotected sex on video - I'm talking the raunchy, total sex pig, you know the stars are HIV+ because they've publicly shared that information, how many acts of dangerous sexual behavior can you pack on one DVD, totally bareback, bareback porn.

I used to allow myself the excuse that I never actually purchased the porn new: I either rented it or bought it used. That way I wasn't really supporting the studios producing the films, right? About a month ago, though, I went out to the store and bought a copy since it featured a long-time fantasy of mine. Interestingly enough, it was a fantasy that could have been performed in a non-bareback porn, but it hasn't. Not in the totally "real" way that it was on this particular DVD.

I had the good fortune this past week of attending the first U.S. Social Forum as an Artist Delegate. Based on the World Social Forum, the gathering is essentially the progressive movement's response to the World Economic Forum and a show of power that the future of the world is not going to be shaped only by the moneyed few determining world economic policies, but by society and its people determining the needs of society and its people.

On top of serving on some artsy-fartsy cultural panels, I of course put on my Big Mouth pants and headed over to observe some queer stuff including a workshop called "Sex, Queer Relationships, and Radical Politics." There was good stuff and bad. I want to focus on the good, so give me just a second to pump out the bile before getting down to business. In fact, to skip the bile, just don't read the following paragraph in brackets.

[So despite the awesome title of this panel and it's seemingly inherent promise of hard political discussion, this event turned into a really annoying, "I'm OK, you're OK" lovefest/group therapy session. "I'm polyamorous, but I get really jealous, what do I do?" and "How do I reconcile my lesbian identity when I'm dating two men named Joe?" You think I'm kidding, but I'm not. It was all I could do not to stand up and scream, "This isn't Oprah, mofos! THIS ISN'T OPRAH!!!"]

OKAY - so now, get ready for the good stuff.

Shimizu... Shle-mah-zu... Hasenfeffer Incorporated.

So last week I was trying to find the Shirley Manson Calvin Klein ad from back in the '90's (please don't ask - I'm just totally obsessed with Garbage and sometimes the obsession takes over my brain), and I was reminded of model/actress/mechanic Jenny Shimizu.

How freakin' hot is she?

Now on the Kinsey Scale I'm about a 5 (predominantly homosexual, only incidentally heterosexual), if not a 5.5. I'm not one of those people who was ever confused, I've never had sex with a woman, and I have never experienced a flicker of eroticism toward the fairer sex. But I would really like Jenny Shimizu to fuck me.

No, I don't want to fuck her. I want her to peg me. (You don't know what pegging is? What kind of queer are you? Click here to find out, and then thank Dan Savage for existing.)

But wait a minute...? What does that mean?

Recently in a CNN interview with a hilariously uncomfortable straight, white guy, out rapper Deadlee talked about reclaiming the F-word. Not the F-word most rappers have already so easily claimed (minus the re-), but the other F-word. Our F-word, so to speak. Check out the original piece here:

Regardless of his attempt (and the attempts of Queer Nation and other gay and lesbian activists before him), we've been hearing the word faggot come out of a lot of straight mouths these days in a lot of uncomfortable ways.

As he says in the interview, Deadlee uses the word and it's variants a lot in his own work. Check out these lyrics from his song No Fags Allowed:

They say a fag is a feminine acting guy,
But to me it's anybody got something to hide...

Those words don't exactly take power away from the word or reclaim and make it powerless. It seems to be associating a new negative connotation to the word - giving it more power and evil power at that.

So I wonder, when is it okay to say faggot or fag or faggy or faggotty or faggotry? And who is it okay for and why?

As recently reported in the New York Times two new drugs in the fight against AIDS will likely be on the market later this year. What's especially significant is that these new drugs also introduce two new drug classes.

2 New Drugs Offer Options in H.I.V. Fight (New York Times, February 28, 2007)

For those who do not understand why this is such a big deal, here's a little info to get you up to speed on HIV/AIDS and it's treatment.

HIV/AIDS

What you probably already know is that Acquired Immunodeficiency Syndrome (or AIDS) is caused by the Human Immunodeficiency Virus (or HIV). The virus lives in particular human body fluids - thriving especially in blood, semen (cum), vaginal fluid (uh...pussy juice), preseminal fluid (pre-cum), and breast milk - and is spread from person to person when those fluids are exchanged. When HIV gets into a person's blood stream, it starts killing their T cells (our primary disease fighting cells) leaving the person open to all kinds of infections.

[I need to step back from the writing of this article for a Big Mouth moment: why the fuck is the disease called Acquired Immunodeficiency Syndrome? Do the names of any other non-genetic diseases start out with the word "acquired?" Do we feel such a need to blame PWAs for getting sick that we've built blame into the name of the disease itself?]

I was enjoying a gigantic cup of hot chocolate and a bread bowl filled with black bean soup with Alex and my high school friend Jennifer at a place called The Raven, which is in the town where I grew up, Port Huron, MI. The Raven is a two-floor coffeehouse. The building housing it is of the Civil War era - one of the oldest in Port Huron - which, after an eight-year process, has been restored with many details authentic to the period. It is a really cool place; so cool in fact, I felt the need to tell Alex that there was nothing like it when I grew up, lest he think I'm lying about how boring my childhood home was.

Everything about the place made it completely unlike the Port Huron I knew. From the fine coffees to the gigantic couches where people were expected to sit and hang out for awhile to the twenty- to thirtysomething single crowd to the vegetarian options on the menu were totally at odds with the drably practical, remote, family-centered carnivorous farmers that surrounded me as a teenager. Part of me was pleased to see that things do change, but another part was fiercely jealous of every twelve- to eighteen-year-old queer person of color growing up in Port Huron now.

We sat there after enjoying our meal chatting and just generally goofing around, when a rough-looking man and two younger guys sat down on a couch situated diagonally from ours. I overheard them for a moment say "meeting" and "sponsor" and from the rest of their highly-charged, awkward conversation could only assume that it was an AA or NA gathering. All three were white and had probably never left Port Huron or at least Michigan in their lives. They ordered a gigantic urn of coffee and between themselves sucked the caffeine down rapidly, as those in recovery tend to do.

At some point, they were all laughing. It was that kind of conspiratorial, I'm-ribbing-you-but-we're-MEN-that-can-take-it-so-I-can-do-that, straight guy laugh. That laugh has always made me uncomfortable, because I assume that something frightening is about to be lobbed my way. At the very least, I assume that something about me - my queerness, for example - is inspiring the laughter. I ended up subtly glancing over to prepare myself for the homophobic barbs that would soon be hurled at us just in time for the older, rough-looking ringleader to catch my eye and then glance at my lap. I thought for a moment about what attracted his gaze: me and Alex holding hands.

Oh my god - why are you reading this blog?

GO TO YOUR POLLING PLACE AND VOTE, YOU HOMO!

And if you already have, feel free to comment here and tell us about it.

The following states have ballot initiatives to amend their constitutions to ban same-sex marriage in 2006: Arizona, Colorado, Idaho, South Carolina, South Dakota, Tennessee, Virginia, and Wisconsin. The following states plan on introducing similar ballot initiatives in the future (the year the bigoted amendments are likely to be presented to voters is in parentheses): California (2008), Florida (2008), Indiana (2008), Iowa (2008), Massachusetts (2008), Minnesota (2007), North Carolina (2007), Pennsylvania (2009).

Of these 16 states, 12 are in the Dirty Thirty: Arizona, California, Colorado, Florida, Indiana, Iowa, Minnesota, North Carolina, Pennsylvania, South Carolina, Virginia, and Wisconsin. So if you're queer and live in one of those states, your very way of life could be threatened by what's happening this election. 2006 is your chance to keep discrimination from being legalized in your own home. 2006 is your chance to put people in power who will ensure that you, your families, your children, and the gay community have a place in your part of America.

Tomorrow's the big day. Show America we have a voice and that it is fabulous.

Vote, vote, vote. Because Charlotte said so (unless you are a donut).

Click here.

I hear it all the time, "I never vote, because my vote doesn't really make a difference."

If you believe that in general, then fine: I won't try to fight you in general. I'll just fight you in regard to the 2006 mid-term elections.

The big problem with mid-term elections (the "term" referred to is the President's) is that when there's no President to vote for, even less people come to the polls. Who does come? The parties' bases. Most of the time, the parties are fine with that, because the Republicans and Democrats would be perfectly happy if things didn't change. Who wants a nasty swing voter or swing voting block to come in and ruin their congressional careers? No one.

This year, though, people do want a change, but if all of those centrist Americans don't come out, there'll be no change. 30% of Americas voters refer to themselves as conservatives, 20% refer to themselves as liberals, and 50% refer to themselves as moderates/independents. So, if you're one of the many disgruntled moderates/independents and you've been wanting a change, this is the election for you.

November 7 is next Tuesday. Mark your calendars! Look, even Josh Lucas wants you to vote, and you don't want to let Josh Lucas down, do you?