I'm so MEAN to closeted people

Wednesday, October 5. 2005

So the pope is hunting down gay priests to stop molestation in the church instead of hunting down priests who are already known molesters, and the crystal methamphetamine problem is spiking the rate of new HIV infection, and gay people in developing nations (and here, too) are suffering unconscionable atrocities...

...and I'm going to write about closeted people? Isn't that over? That's what I think. Yes, it is. Or should be. But if it is over then why are there so many damn closeted people in North America. And why are they always up in my face?

I realize I sound a little ridiculous right now, but I hate closeted people. And I'm very mean to them, especially the white ones. I came out to my friends and sisters when I was in high school, then to my parents as a Freshman in college. After being disowned and nearly homeless for three months, I started a long negotiation with my mom and dad about what it means for me to be a gay, Filipino-American man in our family. My boyfriend's parents performed an exorcism. One of my high school friends was beat up and hospitalized by his uncle. All three of us are children of immigrants and people of color, so we didn't even have the luxury of parents who had lived through the '60's and '70's in America. So if we can do it, why the hell can't all of you?

I'm just tired of hearing about the chicks you used to bang. And I'm tired of hearing about how you were just experimenting in college, and you're glad you've met a nice young man now. And I'm tired of seeing you warp your repressed sexuality into a hatred of women or a prudish demeanor or a fascination with depictions of The Crucifixion - the only "acceptable" naked man for you to view.

I know that I'm supposed to approach closeted people with care. I know I'm supposed to just act as a shining example of a happy gay man. I know I'm supposed to help them open up emotionally and let them know gently there's someone to listen to what they say. But it's so hard to be patient with such cowards.

JUST COME OUT YOU STUPID, EMOTIONALLY-STUNTED FUCKS!

And that's where I always have to stop myself. These people are hiding because they perceive themselves as being in danger and of not being strong enough to protect themselves if they're found out. Threatening closeted people will only scare them more. Do I really think hating people that hate themselves is the most effective way to get them to love themselves? What am I: the Bush Administration fostering peace in Iraq with tanks?

So look everyone: October 11, 2005 (and every year). National Coming Out Day. Help me be a better person to you and every other gay man and woman. And I promise to do my best not to be mean anymore.

Operative word: TRY.

Posted by Bigmouth at 10:34 | Comment (1) | Trackback (1) |

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Nice entry. I understand completely where you're coming from. I experienced some beatings from my Dad, too, when he found out that I'm gay. That was 10 years ago. But it didn't stop me. I'm still gay and happy. =)

Check out my blog http://asphyxiateme.blogspot.com

By the way, I'm also Filipino.

#1 Tristan (Homepage) on 2005-11-02 23:07

Wow, its like you read my thoughts. Like the previous poster (Tristan) I'm also gay and Filipino. I was fortunate enough to have a very supportive family. I'm sure that my coming out experience is more of a deviation from the typical reaction of a Filipino family to their son coming out. Its such a big load off my shoulders when I did it. I understand your frustration but all we can do is to support our fellow Filipino gays and hopefully they'll get the guts to do it on their own and not be coerced into coming out.....check out my blog http://erandomblah.blogspot.com

#2 Ernesto on 2005-12-20 18:04

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