It's not just television that looks better from behind these rose-colored glasses. After attending the concert of a friend's quartet a couple weeks ago, my companions and I found ourselves searching for a nightcap in the pouring rain. After a one block walk avoiding waves of dirty rainwater thrown up by passing cars, we ducked into a sports bar. We were lucky to get one of the last tables, because the place was pretty crowded - no doubt because of the gigantic widescreen TVs blaring to sports fans that it was the bottom of the 5th in a Mets-Cardinals Championship game (yes, I understand sports; yes, it scares my boyfriend; no, I don't actually like or watch them). In a booth across from us sat two average American men.

One was a blonde guy in an orange windbreaker; the other a brunette in a light blue sweater. Orange watched the game intently over Light Blue's shoulder; Light Blue was more intent on watching Orange's reaction to the game than the game itself. A pitch would get thrown and Light Blue would study the furrows forming in Orange's forehead; a bat would crack and Light Blue would watch Orange's lips curl; commercials would begin and Orange would look away from the TV at Light Blue. Whenever Orange Spoke, Light Blue would chuckle, and when Orange smiled Light Blue would laugh outright.

I leaned over to one of my friends and whispered, "Those two are cute, but it's so sad. The guy in the light blue sweater loves the guy in the orange thing so much more. I wonder how long they'll last."

"They're so gay and on a date," Wajaja said, as Fastlad glanced at us both, quizzically.

People in their attempt to know others make things up in order to feel more comfortable in day-to-day interactions. We think, "If I can know these one or two things about you - even if I've made those things and their knowability up out of potentially misleading clues - then I'll know how to talk to you, behave around you, and treat you." It seems natural enough, and it certainly seems like it comes from a good place; we're all trying to find ways to relate.

What surprises me most about my Everyone-Is-Gay Tactic is that many people (including other gay and lesbian people) act like I'm doing something rude of offensive when I tell them about it. Which leads me to ask: if I genuinely believe there's nothing wrong with being gay, who am I offending by assuming it's the norm? Sounds like some sublimated misogyny, homophobia, or queer self-loathing to me.

Nevertheless, perhaps I shouldn't assume people are gay, but if that's so, people should stop assuming I'm straight or gay or male or smart or that English is my second language or that I'm Chinese (which I'm not). If people are making up all kinds of things about me to make them feel better, why can't I make up things about them?